BEWARE – TEENAGER AT HOME

Even though it sounds hilarious, this is the true angst of every parent with their kids in the ‘tweens to teenage evolution’ phase. Well, to begin with, kids ageing between 13-19 years are termed as ‘teenagers’. This is the most significant as well as the most crucial period of your kids before they become adults. It is a crucial period not only for the kids but also for the parents as they play a vital role in making their kids understand the world better. This is the critical time that is Unpredictable and Slippery. And that is exactly why we call parenting a teenager is an art.

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The things they see and learn, characters and traits they acquire, behaviours they adopt in this age are imprinted in their minds, which they will be carrying along till the end of life. So parents must be extremely cautious on what’s getting etched in their kid’s minds, as they are everlasting and permanent.

Note: Some of the points penned down in this article might not be fully applicable to the parents and their teens who hail from countries like the United States of America, United Kingdom or similar.

Do Not Cross Beyond This Line – The Flashback

In earlier times, maybe in the 70s or 80s, parenting a teenager had a quite different dimension.

Especially in countries like India, every guy would be scared of getting beaten up by his father if he does something wrong, and every girl would fear the unending rebuke from her mother if she doesn’t obey her.

Just take a flashback to your childhood days…

When you were a teenager, what were the things your parents restricted you from or scolded you for?

If I ask my dad and mom this question, their list would comprise bunking school, showing pranks or stealing some penny and the lesser marks I get. But now, things and society have taken a huge transformation.

So, parenting a teenager or in other words, bringing up the millennial kids is indeed a mammoth task for the parents. The number of things the kids come across and the amount of exposure they get is immeasurable. So, to handle these proactive kids who know and think way beyond their parents, a lot of strategies and tricks are required. Many parents do fail at this and end up in a spot where the kids find themselves allergic to their parents.

The Tactics That Might Help While Parenting A Teenager

To begin with, the major difference that we can spot between the earlier generation teenagers and present generation teenagers is the boom in technology and gadgets.

1. Be Rigid On Their Ask For Mobile Phones

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Don’t buy them mobile phones for their own until they reach a proper age of knowing how to use them wisely and carefully.

Just like how we were in pride of owning a Hero fountain pen, Microtip Luxor pen/pencils or a Classmate notebook, teenagers now have smartphones and top configuration laptops in their hands.

When they attain the age of 12-13, they start nagging their parents to buy them phones, and say this simple statement ” All my friends have it, dad”. A first NO from the parents will make them dejected, they cry, protest without eating food, and find their ways to hold the mobile phone they asked for in their hands. Never to blame the parents, they can’t bear their kids wailing or getting disappointed, so pave the way to everything the kids ask for.

But still, below are the questions that should revolve in the parents’ heads before jumping into the decision of buying them their favourite smartphone. Because these questions might help you gauge the situation better.

What are they going to do with the phone?

While we all used landline phones to talk to friends, Do the kids of today’s generation need a mobile?

Considering the issues faced by today’s kids, it is obvious for most of the parents reading this post to feel that the mobile phone is necessary. Especially for the kids to contact parents during emergency situations. That being a valid thought we can consider buying them a basic mobile. It is best if the parents spend some time to check the call logs section in the itemised bill.

2. Stay Closer To The Desktop & Laptop Computer

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The projects given at school, the presentations and assignments demand the use of computers to children. Yes, you can give them the freedom to use them when required, but under your supervision.

Make sure you keep the desktops in an open room like a living room, instead of confining them into bedrooms, and just take a look at what they are doing in front of the system. Spare some time of yours to supervise them, to ensure your kids are not doing anything unwanted or obscene in the system. Even in the case of laptops, ask them to sit in the place where you can take a glance at what they are doing.

Now when we wrap up the technology and gadgets part, let us look into some general tips parents who are parenting a teenager at home must follow.

3. Spend Time With Them

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Yes, spend at least some quality time with them. Make them narrate every incident that happened in school, any new things they learnt, the new people they met, everything that their friends are discussing. Once you nurture this habit from a very tender age, you can see your kids treating you like friends.

The best and easiest way is to have dinner (at least one of the Parent) along with the kids. It provides a great platform to unwind their day and to identify their problems and struggles. You might be caught up with work, house chores everything, but invest some time for your kids, and trust me, it can do wonders.

4. Be All Ears

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Keep the doors open – Make them feel comfortable talking to you. Never rebuke immediately when your kids say something inappropriate, keep calm and advice your kids why it is bad. Once you answer their WHY’s, most kids will listen to you, as the kids in this generation require a valid explanation for everything. Once they are convinced, they will not repeat the mistake.

Be open to discuss the taboo topics such as drugs or premarital sex, let them know the risks and ill-effects of it, and let them realize themselves why they should not do it.

5. They Mirror You –  Stay Alert Always In Front Of Them

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Never fight in front of your kids- The argument or fights between the parents will be deeply rooted in the mind of kids. Using misappropriate words to their mother/father, showing intense anger etc would affect the child and he/she will start acting similarly to others as well.

Always find time for your arguments and disputes after the kid sleeps or goes to school. Be cautious about what message you give to your kids.

6. Stop Comparing Instead Explain Precisely

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Don’t compare your teenage days with theirs – Simply avoid the statement “ When I was your age…..”

The comparison between your teenage and theirs is beyond measure and its indeed a dumb idea to do so. The situations and exposure the kids get now are humongous (enormous), and they know so many things their parents might not know.

If you try to implement the same way how your father/mother had brought you up,  the kids will show faces and not even bother to listen to you the next time. We can rewind how many beatings and thrashings we have got from parents, and now parents don’t even touch their kids.

Explain things to them in a subtle, yet powerful way so that they understand things in a much matured.

7. Trust Their Judgement

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Say it when you mean it.

Let them know that you trust them – allow them to take decisions themselves where ever possible. The trust factor will help them weigh the situations better in their life and act accordingly. If they are yet to earn your trust, show them how to gain it.

8. Give Them Their Personal Space

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It is very unhealthy to try to control your teenager fully. While parenting a teenager, the parents need to ensure that we set reasonable boundaries that are well established, firm and at the same time not overwhelming. Always remember that they are teenagers now hence treat them as “grown-ups”. Getting into their space would just make the situation worse by aggravating the issue instead of solving it.

9. Consider Counselling

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Teenagers are fragile, highly changing, act like a kid in some areas and act like an adult in some areas. They undergo severe mood swings due to the hormonal changes. While parenting a teenager it is a must for the parents to ensure that their teens mental and emotional health is stable. Consider taking them for counselling whenever you find them feeling very low and when they experience a lot of mood swings.

10. Give Them Options Rather Than Penalizing

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Don’t punish them for their wrongdoings instead try to help them learn from their mistakes and encourage your teen to make better decisions in the future.

A Well-Defined Picture

I came across the below picture shared by my friend through WhatsApp which I feel is the best fit in this blog. The millennial kids are like china glass, handle with extreme care and attention.

Parenting a teenager is indeed an art and cannot be mastered by many at the first shot itself and there are no limits for the same. It is very valid that the newer generation parents must pay extra attention to monitor their teen and correct them whenever there is a need. It is also must for the Parents to be cautious about every baby steps their teens take to bring them up as a better person in society.

Happy Parenting!